Why Questions are More Important than Answers?

Questions

Let me start with a little bit of 12th standard maths: According to multivariable calculus, there can be an infinite number of solutions to a given problem. Which means: if ten people sit down to solve a X-equation (a multivariable calculus problem), it is possible that all of these ten people will get different solutions to the same problem.

Now it nowhere means that one solution is truer than the other. It doesn’t imply that the truth of a single answer is the only reality that is inhabitable at the face of such an equation, a question or a problem.

Answers, therefore, by their very nature are limiting. They limit you to one reality, to one dimension of thought, to one house of conclusion and to one way of life. There is no other way that you can possibly imagine that could exist for you to live your life differently than the way you might be already doing. Answers have this secret ability to lock you into an imaginary prison that doesn’t allow space for other possible realities.

For example, you are on a weight loss spree and you imagine, how you would want to lose that extra 1o kg? The first answer that will come to your mind probably would be, say: “Ah, I have to hit the gym regularly.” And If I ask you again, what else? You would say: “Maybe follow a keto or a low carb diet.” And if I still ask you what else and how fast, you would say, “Maybe use the evening time as well to jog and do a bit of abs,” and if I still go on poking you for an answer you would say: “I don’t know – what do I do? Go for Botox or a Tummy Tuck? That’s horrible!” At the cost of fuelling your annoyance, I would ask you again, how else would you like to lose your weight without doing any of the above. And by that time, you might be running behind me with a ruler to spank my ass up!

The point is, if I, at that moment told you that you could actually lose weight by merely believing in the fact that the extra weight I am carrying must melt away in no time, you would ofcourse not believe me. And because the first feeling about that thought would be nothing but disbelief, it will definitely not manifest into a reality. This is what answers do to us. They give births to doubts and they give births to limitations.

In contrast, questions release us. Once you question, and you absolve yourself from the burden of answering that question, you begin to remain in the question. It’s called:
Being in the Question. If you be in the question, you will go on creating multiple answers, even without your knowledge, because answers will keep coming to you. You don’t have to take the burden of answering them yourself. In the previous example, your main purpose was to lose weight. But where did you invest your energy in: in the process of losing weight. In the How of the process. You were more concerned with how I am going to lose weight, than just lose weight without worrying about the how. This how was the foundation of the walls you built around yourself, to lock yourself into one single reality. What if there were multiple realities? What if we didn’t have to bother about the how and start asking questions without bothering how we are going to answer them, or answer them at all? What if we only needed to know the goal we wanted and asked the right question for the goal to happen, without bothering about the how or the answer? For example, instead of worrying about how I am going to lose the extra weight, and struggling for two-three answers to it, what if we could ask: What will it take for me to have the fabulous body and face I desire at this moment? And just be in it – not answer it. Isn’t that lighter, doesn’t it liberate you from all the answers you have already predefined for yourself? Doesn’t it make you hopeful of the multiple, infinite ways by which that goal could be achieved. This is what we call as #BeingInTheQuestion. And this is what will create infinite realities and possibilities for you.

To know more, and to learn how to Be In The Question, you can write to me at gauravdeka.89@gmail.com or follow me on facebook LinkedIn or Instagram

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The truth about Overwhelming Emotions that do not seem to leave

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When people come up with the kind of anger that can burn the whole house down, or say they tell me, that they are so scared they cannot think of moving from a certain corner, or say when they tell me that they can no longer take the heavy sadness, it suffocates them to death – my most common question to them usually is, are you sure it’s yours? Or is it someone else’s? Or I’d directly ask: who does this anger belong to? Who does this fear belong to? Most people are not ready for such questions, hence they are taken aback. That’s our portal to what might have possibly led to an overload.

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All that you wanted to know about Past Life Regression Therapy

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Way back somewhere in 2009, a TV channel called NDTV Imagine came up with this unique show called Raaz Pichle Janam Ka. It explored a fascinating process called “past life regression”, taking several participants back across time and space; entering a different lifetime that had already been lived. Re-incarnation stories had found a way of coming to life through this programme. Many noted celebrities including Celina Jaitley, Shekhar Suman, Monica Bedi, Payal Rohatgi found themselves on the couch zapping across dimensions into another lifetime. The facilitator then Dr. Trupti Jain, is now a famous psychologist and holistic health practitioner. Post the Trupti Jain phenomenon came into light, the broadly used healing modality – Past Life Regression Therapy, which today is ubiquitously known as PLRT. This was the beginning of the “alternative-healing” or the “mind-body-soul” boom in India.

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How can “I will Love you Forever” be highly dangerous?

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Can you tell me what is common about the following statements/declarations?

  1. I will love you forever.

  2. I will never talk to you.

  3. I have always been poor.

  4. I can never make two lakhs a month.

  5. I always end up with people who abuse me.

In our day to day life, we make so many statements as such, and that too, so matter of factly, that we don’t even realise the amount of energy we might be investing in them – without our conscious knowledge ofcourse. We are not even aware of the kind of words that we use to describe a situation or an attribute about our personality that we feel has been with us for a very long time.

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Why is Guilt not a real emotion?

 

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Usually it starts with, ‘Oh he loves me so much, how can I leave him’, or one may get to hear something like, ‘I know…’ after each ‘I love you’, or maybe ‘I can’t walk away, because if I do that she will die.’ In all of these statements, the underlying emotion is of ‘guilt’.

Something that you don’t want to do, but you do because you fear that something bad will happen to the other person because of your ‘undoing’. You find yourself constantly living in an assumptive future, because the guilt constantly makes you think of the dreaded reality that may happen if you don’t do what you are ‘supposed’ to do or what you ‘should’ do. In the whole process, all you end up doing is make yourself go through self-pity, self damage and at its peak end up blaming the other person because you kept believing that you ‘did all you did’ for them and them alone.

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Why should I go for Therapy?

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I am absolutely fine!

Yes, we know that – somewhere we all are just ‘absolutely’ fine. There is nothing as such in life that is disturbing, or taking a toll on our health or adding to any misery. We get up every morning, while away our time checking last night’s WhatsApp messages, checking if someone liked our recent Facebook post or commented on it, brushing our teeth and as the foam fills up the mouth remembering the boy (or the girl) on Tinder who said would be meeting this evening. Hurry to the gym or to the yoga class or wait for the trainer to be home. Take that cab or the metro to work or drive away imagining our boss’ twisted face at the meeting or the secretary sitting behind the desk and smiling at us invitingly. Or worrying about the next presentation or the audit where our salary will be decided for the next financial year. Coming back home and listening to what wife has to say about her new set of dresses that she got from Select City, or where is hubby taking us out to dinner and perhaps what the child(ren) has to say about his/her first class in school. By dinner we are back to our laptops checking out emails and notifications and chatting in between to our spouses and lovers, having one last look at the WhatsApp inbox and the Messenger inbox and drifting off to sleep without any idea of how the day went by. Continue reading